Anyone else a recovering perfectionist?
Let’s unravel the roots of perfectionism and release them for good, shall we?
The voice of perfectionism—or I like to call it that “inner bitch” – talks to us in our minds, and sometimes flat-out yells at us. It urges us to strive for an unattainable ideal, then crushes us with condemnation when we fall short. But where does this relentless pursuit of perfection originate? (hint: it’s not the Lexus commercial) And how can RTT help us break free and allow us to love who we authentically are?
Perfectionism often takes root in childhood, seeded by well-intentioned parents or teachers, societal expectations, or traumatic experiences that shape our beliefs about worthiness and success. Perhaps we received praise only for our achievements, not for who we are. Or maybe we were criticized or shamed for our mistakes, instilling a deep-seated fear of failure within us. If you haven’t read the book, Mindset, by Carol Dweck, you must. Most of us were surrounded by unintentionally fixed-mindset adults.
When I reflect on my childhood, especially compared to the ultra-modern-glued-to-our-
But as children, we loved it. We had tons of freedom and time to explore, play make-believe, swing, and make forts. During the summer, we worked in the garden for hours on end. If there was a contest for who has picked the most green beans in their life, I would win. I’m sure of it! My Dad made the most incredible tree fort where we slept overnight all the time! We had a zipline from the treefort to another tree (trunk) which made for great fun unless you didn’t jump to the ground before you slammed into said tree trunk. Looking back now, I’m not sure how we even survived. My sister fell through the ice when the pond froze over, my sister fell into the well in the front yard, and we used to walk 2 miles each way to the little general store called Samsky’s to get fireball candy for a penny (which I would then sell for 2 cents.) I’ve been an entrepreneur since elementary school. But I digress…
In my early twenties, and even through my thirties, I always struggled with self-worth. I had an ideal persona that I was trying to attain, and I rarely attained it. I thought I was supposed to be nice, fun, and optimistic, no matter how I was feeling. It was difficult to maintain. I didn’t know I was allowed to feel frustrated and angry, and I didn’t know what to do with those emotions when they appeared. I was supposed to have pure thoughts and be permanently Pollyanna, but I failed time and time again. I constantly sought outside validation for my worth. “Did you like it?” I’d ask when I made something. “Do I look OK?” I’d ask when I got dressed. “Did I sound OK?” I’d ask when I sang. “Did it go well?” I’d ask after a business meeting. I didn’t realize that even with assurances, the inner critic was on duty 24/7, and I didn’t always believe their responses anyway.
Now I know that when we are children, we are constantly downloading everything that we see, hear, and experience. We are trying to make meaning out of everything we experience. And even well-meaning adults around us cannot control the meaning and story we create internally. In church, I “heard” that Jesus was perfect so I had to be perfect to get into heaven. No one actually said those words, but that’s what I deduced. Before we moved to Virginia, I was exposed to a troubled teenage boy who molested me. And when you’re that young, you don’t even know what’s happening. I didn’t even remember it until I was a teenager and was at a church function where we learned the importance of being morally clean. Sexual activity before marriage was a sin. Oh, shit. I thought I was ruined. Damaged. That had already been done to me, and I didn’t even know what it was. I didn’t feel at fault, but I thought that I was doomed. My fate was decided. I wasn’t clean, and I was permanently flawed. Being “perfect” like Jesus was the only way to get to heaven, and now, my efforts were futile.
Regardless of its origins, perfectionism lives in our subconscious mind, where it shapes our thoughts, behaviors, and self-image. It manifests as a relentless inner critic, a paralyzing fear of judgment, or an insatiable need for control—each facet serving to distance us from our innate worthiness and uniqueness.
Enter Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT)—a beautiful alchemy of hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, and ultimately, healing. RTT allows us to access the subconscious mind and understand the roots of perfectionism. Understanding is power, and understanding in hypnosis is the most transforming power because once you realize WHY you believe something, you have the power to let it go. Once you let it go, you’re able to install self-acceptance and compassion in its place.
—to witness the wounded child within us who yearns for love and acceptance, regardless of achievements or accolades. With compassion as our guide, we reframe the limiting beliefs that fuel perfectionism, replacing them with the truth of our inherent worthiness, capabilities, and potential.
Moreover, RTT equips us with practical tools and insights to navigate the complexities of perfectionism in our daily lives. We learn to challenge the tyranny of the inner critic, embrace vulnerability as a gateway to growth, and celebrate progress over perfection in all its messy, beautiful glory. Realizing the truth about who you are: a beautiful, strong, brilliant woman with unlimited capacity to grow and learn. That’s the essence of the growth mindset in Dr. Dweck’s book.
Countless souls have experienced profound transformations through RTT, including myself. You can shed the shackles of perfectionism and step into a newfound sense of freedom, joy, and authenticity. It is a journey of self-discovery and empowerment—one that invites us to embrace our imperfections as sacred gifts and reclaim our birthright of wholeness and self-love. We are daughters of God the Father, a King, and that makes us all princesses.
So, if you find yourself ensnared in the web of perfectionism, know that
With RTT as your trusted ally and guide, you can reclaim your power, liberate your spirit, and embrace this beautiful gift of being human.
Much love,
Karen
